In the beginning I loved pumping. It was proof I was producing food for my darling. It was satisfying to see the containers fill up and know that I was doing a good thing. It was also a time when I could catch up on texting or reading.
Slowly, over time it became a chore. It was making me sit still when I wanted to be doing something else. My daughter spent a month fighting bottles, so why the heck am I even pumping?
Then my daughter started chugging bottles. Now I feel inadequate and that I'm not going to have enough milk for her regardless.
She also stopped requiring a nipple shield and effectively abused the crap out of my nipples in one week time. I had to go back to a nipple shield on one side from the pain. It makes me want to turn in the towel so bad, but then I think of how much she likes nursing. How quick and easy it is, how CHEAP it is. How I'm 4 months in and that is freaking amazing. I think of how much formula costs and smells and I pump.
I will keep pumping til I really truly cannot pump anymore because I am not a quitter and even if I want to quit, I cannot quit my baby girl. So until these bad boys dry up, I'll be annoyed and frustrated. For her, because she's worth it. And mama ain't no quitter.