Things They Never Tell You..

About the first two weeks of motherhood/parenthood..

It’s basically a mind fuck.  Is she eating enough? Is she peeing/pooping enough? Is this normal? Am I doing this right? Who the hell left us in charge? Why is she crying? Why can’t she just close her eyes? Is this normal????

Oh and then to add in the emotions.  I am not an emotional person.  Then enter pregnancy / post-partum craziness and I am a basket case.  I cried a lot during pregnancy whenever I was in the car because I missed my grandma’s because I used to call and talk to them on my way to places (enter tears now as I type this because I miss them).

Now, I cry because I feel like I am not doing this right, that I am failing, and why the hell did we ever decide it was a good idea to have a kid? I know this is all normal but I feel like I am doing a sucky job at being her mom.

It helps to have people to talk to and get some validation in what you are doing.  Preferably, people who are not your family and are online/on the phone so you don’t have to see the judgment and they don’t know that they are making you cry, if that does happen. 

I hate that I cry at nothing, because I do not show weakness and I am quickly learning that being a mom is all about having to fucking admit the weaknesses and ask for help.  I HATE ASKING FOR HELP.  I like to do things on my own.  But dangit, it’s all I can do to feed/clothe/entertain her and sometimes do the same to myself.  And also? My floors need washed like no other (hello sticky feet ewww) my carpet needs vacuumed and my floorboards and god knows what else needs to be cleaned.  I just don’t have it in me.

Even though I still feel like I spend half the day sitting on my ass doing nothing, but in reality, if I do too much, my vag hurts and I have to sit down anyway, cuz oh yeah, I am still recovering from birth.

And recovering from birth is another thing too.  Yeah, I never want to look at my vag again.  And I am pretty sure my husband doesn’t either.  I’m still too scared to wipe normally and don’t know when that will change.  However, I’d kill to go in the pool right now. 

Then I look at her and I fall in love with her and even though I know she doesn’t always look cute and does resemble an old man occasionally, I find her pretty darn adorable.  I love how my husband cares for her, worries for her, helps both of us and has stepped up in ways I never imagined.  And it makes me cry.

Suggestions for July Group Read!

Can't believe we have hit that point of the month again! Share your ideas for this month's group read... try to make it something that people can either get at the library or is relatively cheap!

Books We Have Already Discussed...
Something Borrowed
The Blue Orchard
Sammy's Hill
 In the Woods
 Shanghai Girls
The Weight of Water
Water for Elephants
The Color Purple
The One That I Want
The Secret Garden
House Rules
 American Wife
Firefly Lane
Middlesex
The Reader The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
The Awakening
Pride & Prejudice
 I See You Everywhere

Can't wait to see what everyone suggests! Entries will be open until June 18th when I add the poll to the side bar! Thanks for participating!

Something Borrowed - Discussion 2

(Hey all! We have a newbie leading us today! The wonderful Nora is leading our discussion today! Thanks Nora!!! Any and all are welcome to participate and if you have seen the movie, throw out some comparisons and let the rest of us know if we should go and see it!)

Welcome to week two of the book discussion for "Something Borrowed."

I didn't pull any quotes from the book for us to analyze because as much as I enjoyed the book (well, ok, I'll be honest, I have a love/hate relationship with this book, which I'll get to in a moment), the writing, I think we can all agree, isn't overly intense, creative or thought-provoking. On the flip side, I do think the author does a good job at shedding light on how relationships can be unconventional, how love gets off to an interesting start under less than desirable (or morally right) circumstances.

Growing up my parents always told me that "all is fair in love and war." Maybe it is in elementary school and perhaps even high school but as we evolve our relationships evolve, feelings turn serious, and cheating/stealing someone's fiance or boyfriend is far from ok. At least in my eyes.

So the reason I loved this book: It was rather witty and like it or not, Giffin did a good job of keeping going back for more of the book. I finished it quickly and kind of wanted more (so perhaps I'll read the sequel).
The reason I hated the book: I like Rachel. A lot. I wanted her to be happy. I did not like Darcy one bit (we all probably have or had friends like her). I almost didn't care * to an extent* that Rachel was cheating with Darcy's fiance. But if that happened in real life? I'd be livid and pissed and could never, ever do anything like that. It felt wrong to be rooting for Rachel throughout the book though.

So, that's where I stand on the book so far (I have finished it but I won't say anymore in case others haven't).

Onto the questions!

1. Do you think anything about Darcy and Rachel's friendship is genuine?
2. Why do you think Darcy is so concerned about everything being perfect for her wedding (aka a Bridezilla)? Where does her insecurity stem from?
3. Do you think Dex is attempting to justify the affair when he talks to Rachel about how he felt about her in college?  (Chapter Nine)
4. Under what circumstances (if any) is it justified to choose love over friendship? How important is it for women to stick together? Have you ever been in a friendship like Darcy and Rachel's? Should you ever jettison a friendship that isn't working anymore?
5. Was Rachel's moral dilemma to cheat with her best friend's fiance made easier because of Darcy's personality? Would she have acted on her attraction to Dex if Darcy were a different kind of person and friend?

Thanks again Nora! Next week we will discuss chapters 14-19! Have a great weekend!

Addicted to Tv..

It's almost obnoxious how much television I watch.  I never watched a ton of tv growing up or in college, but it seems as soon as my husband and I bought our house and "grew up" we turned into tv watchers. 

I think television took over from the other stuff that once kept us busy: sports, part-time jobs, school work, hanging out with friends, working out, etc.  We officially hit old ate ages 23-24 and would come home, eat dinner and veg on the couch. 

Most days our tv is on from the time we get up until we go to bed if we are home.  That is sad people and I don't think I can change!!! There are so many good television shows out there! (And probably part of the reason why I am always trying to lose weight, the pull of the couch and tv!!) We claim to be exhausted and it's so easy to just fall onto the couch with a laptop and the tv to entertain us all evening. 

We even go to bed with the tv on.  We are a sad sad lot.  I mean Jon Stewart has been a standby for years and we have to go to bed to wake up early, so Jon comes to bed with us.  Then Colbert comes on after and these days we tend to eevn forget to hit the sleep timer.  Whoops.

I don't want Isla to grow up watching a ton of tv, but I don't want to live with my tv off! I like tv! I love it! I need it! I also can't stand it to be quiet which is part of the reason I have it on all day.  I don't even watch all the shows anymore, I just need the noise.  So sometimes I use music, but tv is easy to turn on and zone out too. 

I have a problem and I really don't want to fix it, even though I know I need to fix it! I seem to add new shows daily and Netflix doesn't help that nor does having on-demand.

Some shows I would suggest to those of you who would like new shows or want to add to their tv addictions?

 Law & Order SVU or Law & Order regular re-runs LOVE LOVE LOVE.  Funny story, the class my husband and I had together in college would finish right before 10pm and we would rush back to his apartment to watch it every week. ;)

In Plain Sight, Rookie Blue, Army Wives, Rizzoli & Isles, NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, How I Met Your Mother, The Good Wife, Criminal Minds, Archer, Burn Notice, Boardwalk Empire and I'm sure there are others that I can't remember...

It's sad.  I could find something to watch 24/7 and can typically tell you when shows are on.  I need a life! Or a break from my tv.

Anyone else hopelessly addicted??? Or do you all have better lives than me?

2 weeks

We took these of her over the weekend! She's a doll and I may be slightly biased.

She has spent a little more time awake, a little more time being fussy, has gone through a clusterfeeding frenzy, learned to love her swing, enjoyed some tummy time, attended her first grad party, visited Grandma at work, went to lunch at Subway and laid in the hammock.  She's been a busy gal!

Favorite Poems

I was recently reminiscing over some old papers from college when I came across some poems from an English class I took my second or third year of college. Poems are something I enjoy but don't spend a lot of time reading or seeking out. I thought I'd share a few of my favorites with you. Short, meaningful and to the point. Sometimes just what a busy reader needs. ;)

I, too, sing America by Langston Hughes

I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.

Tomorrow,
I'll be at the table
When company comes.
Nobody'll dare
Say to me,
"Eat in the kitchen,"
Then.

Besides,
They'll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed--

I, too, am America.

A few of the many Hughes poems I adore, Let America be America Again, Will V-Day Be Me-Day Too? and Dreams.

When You are Old - W.B. Yeats

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,


And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

I just realized I could probably go on and on and on.. so I should just stop with these and perhaps share more another day.

Do you have a favorite poet? What is your favorite poem? Share!!!!

May at a Glance

Books Read

18. Mayo Clinic: Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy (May 6^th)

19. The Blue Orchard – Jackson Taylor (May 9^th)

20. Something Inside of Me: How to Hang on to Heaven When You’re Going Through Hell – Chitoka Webb (May 10^th)

21. Baltimore Blues – Laura Lippman (May 15^th)

22. Butcher’s Hill – Laura Lippman (May 19^th)

23. In Big Trouble – Laura Lippman (May 20^th)

24. The Sugar House – Laura Lippman (May 24^th)

25. The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (May)

Probably will be the most read month of 2011 for me.  I haven't had time to crack a book, besides the first 3 chapters of Something Borrowed that I found online since lil miss was born! Hopefully, my attention span and time management will allow more free reading time soon.  Now it seems I am either catching on on my Internet doings when I have free time or doing baby related searches or whatever.  Anywho, my fave read was probably The Blue Orchard and my least fave was Something Inside of Me...

Currently Reading (if you call it that) - In A Strange City - Laura Lippman  and Caring for Your Baby and Young Child Birth to Age 5.. which has been a life saver!

Movies Watched - Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End and Three Men and A Baby

The first Pirates movie was my hubby's and my first date, we have seen all in the theater except probably the latest one since I doubt we will be going on a date while it is still in theaters haha.

Fave Photos

 me and my baby girl about 10 hours after she was born

my dad and my girl.. it tears me up.. dang hormones!



with my grandpa.. her great-grandpa.. he has dementia and was married to my lovely grandma whose name we used for Isla's middle name.. this moment had me crying as well and he almost cried too..  love him



this is totally a move i make.. playing with my hair.. my mom did it too.. funny she is doing it and doesn't even really have hair to twirl yet!

What were your highlights in May?

One Week.. a few days late

So, I had planned on a nice lovely post on Wednesday telling all about how wonderful the first week had been and yada yada.  Then Wednesday came and it was our first fussy day ever.  So, that post didn't happen.  Tears happened, hers and mine.  Boobs leaked, body parts hurt, digestive tracts were in up roars in both of us.  It wasn't a pretty late afternoon/evening.

But then Thursday came (when I am writing this) and we had a great night full of sleep minus our two feedings and I got a shower, put in m contacts and put on makeup for the first time in over a week and we went to pedi for our 1st visit.

Little miss? Is turning into a big miss already.  She left the hospital at a petite 7 pounds 8 ounces and within 6 days she is already 8 pounds 2 ounces! Yay for boobies that work even when you are using a nipple shield. 

I won't lie, this is the hardest thing I've ever done but I am having the time of my life.  I have a fabulous husband who is an amazing father and a brillantly adorable baby girl.  Yeah, I'm puke worthy. ;)

So because of course the entire world would like to see photos of my darling, I must indulge you. ;)

look at those strong legs!! and total future track star she is jsut missing the starting blocks!!! ;)

Something Borrowed - Discussion 1

Hello all and welcome to June's Group Read! I am going to struggle with this between juggling a newborn and what not so I apologize if I don't post the most awesome posts. ;) Hopefully, next week Nora's post will be amazing and all that jazz. ;)  Everyone is welcome to participate and even if you haven't read the book or if you read it awhile ago, we always like it when people weigh in! ;) I will be honest.. I only got thru chapter 3.  Because I still don't have the book.  Eeek.

“You know, Rachel, who cares what day of the week we turn thirty?” she said, shrugging a smooth, olive shoulder. “We’ll be old by then. Birthdays don’t matter when you get that old.”

hahahaha... 30 is so old.

I am kind of shocked at how Dex and Rachel hooked up, I assumed going into the book that they would wake up the next day because they had been black out drunk or something.  I also think that Rachel's trying to make herself feel better line jury/trial scenario was a litttle slanted in her favor. ;) 

I find it interesting the overlap in the boys between the girls growing up, but also relate because I am from a small town and my BFF and I shared elementary/junior high boyfriends and it was nothing.

1. Did anyone have a friend like Darcy whose stuff always seemed so much cooler? Who was it and how close were you?
2. When you were in 5th grade what did you imagine you would be doing as an adult? Did you have a vision of yourself at a certain age?
3. What is your opinion on Dex? What kind of guy is he?

Next Friday, Nora will be guest posting and covering chapters 8- 13.  If you would like to guest post either of the other 2 weeks let me know!

Cheesy Potato Casserole

I was looking in my cupboards last week trying to decide what sounded good as a side to make with our leftover chicken.  I found a box of scalloped potatoes and thought, hmm I should use up our real potatoes, I wonder if I can find a really good cheesy potato recipe.  The search was on.  I found this by The Pioneer Woman and immediately wanted it.  But alas, we did not have heavy cream nor whole milk and it was not worth the trip to the store.  So I scoured the internets, asked for some help with a sour cream alternative.  And with a little input and a little guess work, the most amazing potatoes came about.  (I will still say that I prefer cheesy potatoes made with hash browns but these were AWESOME!)

Ingredients

5 cubed Potatoes
½ cup butter,
1 can Cream of chicken soup
1/3 cup Onion

1/2 cup milk
1 ½ cup Grated cheddar cheese
1 1/2 cups Sour cream

1 clove garlic finely chopped

sprinkle of salt

sprinkle of pepper

First, I preheated the oven to 350, I would recommend actually doing it at 400.  Our potatoes were still too firm, but edible, but I would definitely cook them higher and longer than I did so here is your warning now. I washed and scrubbed the potatoes.

 Then I chopped them up.  It was easy to cut them in slices and then chop them into 4ths.

  Use 2 tablespoons of the butter to coat the bottom of the pan.  I think there was maybe a bit too much butter so maybe instead of a full stick take away 2 tablespoons from it?

In a saucepan, melt the rest of the butter and then add in the sour cream, cream of chicken, onion, garlic, salt and pepper.  I made sure it was all stirred in and then added the milk because it seemed to thick.

 I left it in the pan basically to warm up and mix together and then I added just a handful of shredded cheese I had left in a bag from the fridge.  Next time, I would probable do twice the amount you see here.

While that is warming up, put 1/3 of the potatoes on the bottom of the pan.



 Then cover it with some sauce. 

 Then do this two more times, potatoes, sauce, potatoes sauce.. Ending with the sauce.

 Now, cover it up with tin foil and put it in the oven for 30 minutes.  Then take it out and remove the tin foil and cook it again for 20 minutes or until the potatoes are golden brown and really bubbling.  I

 may have not cooked them this long and regret it but they were still good but my husband was more patient and put them back in and it they were better. So make SURE THE POTATOES ARE HOW YOU LIKE THEM!

Then use the lovely cheddar cheese that you shredded or from the bag. I used a combo of freshly shredded and bagged.

 Then cover the dish and put it back in the oven for about 5 minutes.

 And then it will come out looking like this. And you will have to try to not burn your tongue.. whoops.

And then you put it in the bowl and eat it.  And I hate like double this amount in the end. SO FREAKING GOOD.  I ate it as my meal but my husband had the leftover chicken haha.



Verdict? AMAZING. Definitely recommend it.  NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

What is your favorite way to eat potatoes?

Mine is a tie between cheesy potatoes and potato soup!