Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Naptime is the New Happy Hour

I've had this book in my possession since Christmas 2009 or 2010 and I JUST read it.  Why did I not open this before? I have no idea, but I laughed my ass off reading it! It was hysterical and totally made fun of the kind of parenting that I also make fun of so that helped my enjoyment of it.  So, if you are into finding THE Best preschool for your child, being super perfect, don't like swearing, think the author really IS drunk all the time, or go to any of the extremes this isn't for you.  If you take great humor in watching people out do themselves to be AMAZZZZZING and have a sense of humor, please read it.

I honestly couldn't understand how people wouldn't like this unless they were part of the parenting styles that she made fun of,but apparently according to goodreads there are people out there who didn't find her funny or worried about her child or her liver.  To those people? RELAX and laugh!

Some gems I enjoyed...

"One evening I answered the phone to this: "You won't believe what Little Miss International is eating right now: a crispy baguette topped with red pepper hummus.  Hummus is her very favorite food! Isn't it amazing?" she crowed.  I didn't find it amazing.  What I did find amazing was that I still took this bizzotch's calls."

This cracks me up. I am very impressed with what my child eats and so are a few people, but they nor I should be.  My kid has always ate what we ate and we don't eat bland/kid like food.  If that's what she was given I'm sure it would be her fave too!

"Some of these classes don't even make sense.  If your one-year old is enrolled in Italian for Pre-Walkers, you'd better either be fluent in the language or planning to move to Florence.  Barring that, you'll have to send him off to some kind of toddler exchange program so he can practice with a native family while you entertain little Giuseppe, who zips around your living room on his moped and speed dials Papa John's delivery.  Otherwise, your kid will lose everything he's learned quicker than you can say ciao." 

Like anything in live and toddlerdom, balance is key.  Obviously, classes are more for moms than the kids but does your kid need a STRUCTURED activity every damn day of the week sometimes multiple times a day? Heck, no.  Don't feel guilty if your kid isn't even signed up for one.  I promise they will still have time find a hobby or sport they enjoy even if they didn't get started by 6 months old. ;)

"Bottom line: Wearing a diaper once in awhile is not a reason to get professional help; unless, of course, you're a forty-three-year-old astronaut traveling at the speed of light to kill your ex-lover's new girlfriend.  Then I'm afraid all bets are off."

...."Progressive in the context of describing a preschool is just a nicer name for crazy.  If a school calls itself progressive, just know that there will be a lot of  "children aren't allowed to look into mirrors" or "we only play with plain wooden toys," or "we believe wheat-based food items are the work of Satan" going on.  Oh, and you'll pay dearly for the privilege of having to send your child to a school with only organic raw veggies to eat in his plain brown lunch sack or face the wrath of the parents' board." 

Seriously.  BALANCE IS KEY hahaha.  My colleagues and I always talk about our the perfect curriculum would be a hodge podge of all kinds of curriculum but it sucks when you are pigeonholed into ONE SPECIFIC curriculum when you know some of the stuff is bologna! 

Anywho, this lady made me laugh hard and I would definitely recommend it to any parent or parent to be.  It's just so funny and you will find yourself nodding your head along with her.  Unless of course you take yourself so seriously that you have to hate her because you realize you need to get a clue.

Great book!

What's the last hilarious read you've read?

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